She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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