i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
