this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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