Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
