The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
