bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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