i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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