I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
