You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
