those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
