So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
