I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize