if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
