I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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