well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
