started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
