No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ketchup is God's man juice
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
