Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
