so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
