I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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