Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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