I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
