I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
