Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
