remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize