A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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