I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
