Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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