When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
