I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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