I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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