just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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