I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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