Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
