There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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