my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
