brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
