This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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