The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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