Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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