Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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