You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
two words...techno handjob
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize