You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
