I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
