I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
