i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
