im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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