Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
