i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
