Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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