i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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