Life is so much better after having sex.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
