It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
