we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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