last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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