Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
