I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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