You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
