you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
