My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
