They should really pass out barf bags in church
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
