Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
