yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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