just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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