apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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