You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
