does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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