You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
