from now on my penis is your penis
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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