Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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