I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
