I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
