she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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