She's JV to your varsity
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
