i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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